The internet lies, and we know this, but maybe not in the moment of every sentence flying by. There was a culture in some of the social media, I’m not sure who started it, that if something bad was happening, you were morally obligated to pay attention to it. Paying attention to it often wasn’t enough to fix it, or change it. But if you paid attention to the bad thing, you’re a good person. Or it was the acceptable performance of being good.

I’m not arguing against situational awareness – I think that is important. But I noticed that orientation made experiencing joy seem like someone was morally suspect – how could you be happy in a time like this? Never mind there’s never been a good time to be alive, and there’s never been an era absent of someone’s suffering.

My occupation makes me acutely aware of other people’s sorrows. In the same way you can’t be a competent firefighter if you avoid fire, you can’t be an effective helper if you avoid problems. You have to stare right at it. Vicarious trauma for social workers (which I’m not one – they only consider you a social worker with the right degree – but I am adjacent) is a real thing, and many people struggle to ensure they aren’t haunted by all they see and know. Empathetic people are drawn into the field; empathetic people are highest at risk.

The thing is, if you are going to ever feel joy, you will always need to find and savor it “in a time like this.” Joy will exist against a backdrop of sorrow because that’s the only backdrop we have.

I had no pink candle to mark the occasion, and this essay is late because we had three holiday parties in as many days. I do love the gatherings of this time of year, even if preparing is a lot of work. That advent is celebrating joy in some of the darkest dark of the year feels maybe too on the nose, maybe perfect, maybe its just the reminder that I personally always need.